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The Blame Game

Are you guilty of blaming other’s for your problem’s? It’s okay, most of us do, but to admit and accept our problem’s is when the healing begins to start.

I too fell into this broken record where I realized a lot of my internal problem’s, but I also kept skipping over the answer. Eventually, when this record began to annoy me, I reached out to the experts for help. I talked to many therapist’s and doctor’s about my problem’s, but no matter how hard I tried to fix my broken record, it just kept skipping.This is what happens when we start to feel unhappy in life. We feel stuck, trapped, imprisoned, inside our own mind. This is when we start to place blame.

When discussing blame, it is important to realize the role doctor’s and therapist’s play in the blame game, without even realizing it. We are apart of a society that would rather treat the symptom’s of a disease rather than finding the cure. Many doctor’s and therapist’s blame chemical imbalance’s in the brain for depression and anxiety, which is exactly what was told to me. The solution to all of this: many different anti-depressants, and years of talk therapy.

It took me getting to a really dark place in my life, to finally see the light. Even in those dark times where I contemplated suicide, I still had such a strong desire to live. I created a goal in my mind and set out to achieve it. The goal was called self happiness.

When I found the answer I was looking for, I re-evaluated my past situations. I realized I was placing blame on the wrong things. I blamed my brain for being so fucked up, I blamed my family and friends for not caring enough, I blamed my therapist’s for not fixing me…yet I never turned the blame towards myself. I finally came to the realization that I had created my own suffering and I had to accept this if I wanted to move forward.

Once you start to accept your problem’s for what they are, the easier healing will become. I am still on my journey towards healing, but everyday gets a little bit easier.

For more information about codependency, please visit my blog.

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6 Tips to Help You Regain Your Power

Power can be lost in many different ways which can lead to very unhealthy behaviors. That being said there are many ways to regain it and help build your self confidence. These tips can help you become the best possible you and help you live a happy and more fulfilled life.

1. Honor Your Boundaries:

http://thewellnessproject.me/5-benefits-to-setting-healthy-boundaries-and-where-to-start/

If you don’t establish boundaries in a relationship you are allowing them to become toxic relationships in your life. When working on your boundaries the first thing you should do is accept your emotions as what they are. Once you can accept how you feel, you can start validating them yourself and in turn expressing those emotions outward. For example: If you are at work and your boss asks you to come in on the weekend, before you react right away I want you to take a second to acknowledge how you feel. If you are happy to pick up those hours then you may reply with something like “yes, I would be happy to work this weekend.” However, if you are feeling upset/sad that your boss is asking you to pick up more hours than you may say something like “Thanks, but I can’t.” This may be hard at first, especially for people that are codependent because they feel the need to make others around them happy. However, the more you do this exercise the easier and more rewarding it will become.

2. Be More Independent:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mybusiness.com.au/marketing/4846-definition-of-independent-called-into-question/amp

Doing things on your own can give you a sense of power as well as a boost in self confidence. For people who are codependent, doing things alone is often scary and hard to do. Here are some things you may try to establish more independence: Go See a movie by yourself, shop by yourself, hike by yourself, go on a trip by yourself, or eat out at a restaurant by yourself. The more you do things on your own the more confident you will become in your abilities to complete tasks alone.

3. Use The Golden Rule:

http://apologiabyhendrikvanderbreggen.blogspot.com/2016/02/the-golden-rule.html?m=1

Treat others the way you want to be treated. To gain respect you must give respect. If people realize respect isn’t important to you, than they may not respect you either. You can’t expect to throw shade at someone and not have them react in a negative way. People have feelings and boundaries themselves and if you overstep those boundaries you may lose people along the way. Anytime you feel a negative emotion come to surface with someone else, try envisioning yourself in their shoes. Imagine how you would feel if you were in their position. This will help you understand if people’s reactions are valid or not and will also help you establish boundaries within relationships.

4. Work on Your Emotional Health:

https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/mental-illness-overview/what-is-emotional-health-and-how-to-improve-it

Having more awareness about your emotional health can drastically improve your confidence. Letting your thoughts come and accept them for as they are is one way to help heal from codependency. Other ways to work on this may be to repeat mantras daily such as “I am in control of my life” or “I am enough” as well as setting up daily goals that allow you to challenge yourself. Another way to improve your emotional health is by using positive emotional outlets for your emotions. For example: If you are feeling really angry instead of coping with self destructive approaches like substances, food, yelling…instead try to release it in a positive way. This may mean boxing, running, dancing…whatever works best for you.

5. Keep Your Circle Small:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/-less-friends-less-bullshit-keep-your-circle-small-11c99/amp

Losing your sense of self can be a scary feeling and it’s even scarier when you feel like everyone is out to get you. In order to heal and regain power after abuse you should keep your circle small. The more alone time you have to process your emotions the more confident you will be communicating with others. Over time it will get easier being around people and you will no longer be phased by their actions and won’t feel the need to please others.

6. Take Control of Your Life:

https://sfmagazine.com/post-entry/october-2017-seven-tips-to-take-control/

For some it’s easier to get lost in other’s problems than accepting our own. However, in order to regain control over your own life you must learn to accept and work on your own problems first. Once you’ve learned to address your issues first the easier it will be to control your life and become a healthier happier you.

For more information about independence and codependency please visit my blog.

Tattoos & Piercings: A Sign of Codependency

Codependents have a struggle trying to find their true identity. This is because they seek approval from people or things outside themselves instead of looking for that approval from within.This type of behavior is learned and usually develops in childhood due to dysfunctional family relationships, particularly relating to childhood abuse. This can be due to many forms of abuse such as: emotional, physical, sexual and neglect. Although childhood abuse is a big indicator of codependency there are other ways of developing it as well (One example of this is being in a relationship with a narcissist.) Codependents typically don’t develop a sense of self because they are either controlled or neglected by a loved one. This loss of control can lead to a lack of self love and hinder development. Codependents are usually stuck in a flight or fight mode where they are constantly reacting to their environment. They may feel personally attacked at times due to their hyper vigilance when it comes to other people’s emotions. Due to this intense form of empathy they will conform to others emotions or beliefs because they are afraid of rejection. This can lead to severe depression and anxiety because they feel like they can’t express themselves truthfully. Codependents usually feel lost and unsure of what they want and can lead to a constant change in careers, change in majors if going to college, or change in appearance. This is where tattoos and piercings come along. Tattoos and piercings are a way of self expression and for most codependents their bodies are the only control they feel they have. They often want others to know who they are but may not be comfortable expressing themselves verbally so instead they conform to self expression in the form of tattoos and piercings. Tattoos and piercings may make a codependent feel in control and boost their ego although this is usually temporary due to the underlying cause of their unhappiness coming from within. If you know someone who may identify as a codependent based off the information above please don’t confront them about codependency. This may cause them to feel personally attacked and in turn feel rejected. Instead I would suggest trying to get them to open up about their own feelings and beliefs and create a trusting relationship that may give them the confidence to seek help themselves. Of course there are many other indicators of codependency and just because people have tattoos/piercings doesn’t necessarily mean they are codependent, this is just a sign that they may be. Please visit my blog for more information pertaining to codependency.

Listening to Yourself

I recently had a turning point in my life so I thought I should pass this knowledge along. I hit a pretty dark place in my life about two weeks ago but didn’t understand why. Everything on the outside was great. I loved my job, my husband, and my two dogs. However, I was constantly in conflict with myself and getting frustrated as to why I felt so unhappy. I had everything I thought I wanted in life so far. Well, as it turns out, my drive to be happy was related to things outside myself. I forgot to nurture the child within me that so desperately was seeking love and validation. I was seeking validation from people, materialistic things, substances… I was looking for love in all the wrong places and realized the love I needed had to come from within. Now that I have started listening to my inner self, my confidence and inner love has already started to blossom. This is only the beginning of my journey to happiness. If you are struggling with internal conflicts PLEASE listen to them. Figure out what you want in life and I guarantee it will lead to happiness.

Introduction

If you’ve come across my blog it’s more than likely you are codependent yourself, know someone who is codependent, or want to know more about codependency in general. Codependency is often known as a relationship addiction. Codependents often seek approval/validation from others with disregard to their own feelings and beliefs. This usually looks like a lack of self love and self identity. This is a learned behavior that more often than not starts in childhood due to dysfunctional family relationships. Codependency if not treated can cause mental health disorders such as depression, and anxiety. My goal with this blog is to help others identify their codependency patterns, address them, and start the healing process. As a codependent myself I plan to share my tips and tricks for overcoming my dependency issues and hopefully inspire others along the way.

#codependency #selflove #narcissist #reprogramming